Love, Limerance, and "Rope-A-Dopamine"

     One of our daughters has a friend who, with the exception of Hollywood stars, may have the shortest marriage on record. She and her eternal companion were married on Friday. The following Monday, the spell broken Bride bought a one-way bus ticket back home sans a be-fuddled Groom. The squabble over the divorce settlement lasted longer than the nuptials. I wonder who got the inevitable rice cooker?

Love, Limerance, and Dopamine. Let's chat, shall we? Limerance is an emotional obsession over another person that could sometimes be better known as "Affection Deficit Disorder". It is that state of mind that makes fools of us all. We meet that 'irreplaceable' someone. We obsess unceasingly about our special angel. Could anyone else be more beautiful or handsome? (Well, yes) We can't live, breathe, or think about anything or anyone else. We walk through sliding glass doors and we don't even notice. We forget the little things like where or even if we have a car that may or may not be parked somewhere.

Here's the good news. Limerance only lasts about eighteen months. Then your feet return to earth again and your object of affection is daily less god-like and increasingly the actual slob-like  clay feet they always have been. They haven't changed. You have. The dopamine levels in your head are normal again and you are free from "Rope-A-Dope". You are normal again.

A failure to recognize the role of Limerance in the love cycle contributes to why more than 50 ercent of our marriages end in divorce. It's also a sneaky culprit for why over 40 percent of our babies are born to single mothers. You, my friend, are not immune to Limerance. It is love's counterfeit and you should know the difference.

Which brings us to what love actually is. There may be some who believe that I'm not the best expert on what love is, but I just perfectly described that dastardly Limerance.  I can nail what love is too. Be patient.

Our children have all at one time or another, usually when considering their own choice of a spouse,  asked me what love is. I have stumbled around and hemmed and hawed and given no satisfactory answers. Here now is my answer: Love is a commitment to another person, no matter how difficult or steep the challenges. Love is unselfishness in its purest state. Love is about caring for someone else beyond death. Love is about compassion and forgiveness. Love is the heavy hitter in the bottom of the ninth with two outs and three runners on base. Love knows that there's somebody there who will hit that triple and knock you home every single time.

Love is history. Love is living with a person filled with integrity and honesty. Love really means it. When the lights of Limerance go out, love still illuminates the darkest corners of despair. Love walks the sick babies in the night, forks over obscene amounts of college tuition, provides a stable home, and forgets about wealth or worldly possessions in favor of stable, well-adjusted, well-educated children.

So, to everyone who may think that I'm no authority on much of anything, it's likely. I do know this:  Regardless of the challenges in our lives, and the recent public airing of a major obstacle that might have broken weaker bonds, Mike Johnson and I are still here. We have been married 40 years. And we have created a love that only we can define. That's enough for us. It's enough for our children. It will be enough forever.

Lights out.