Sometimes I felt like an Ostrich. Did God really want me to look and act like that?
When I was growing up, I hid a great deal of young angst and insecurities behind a killer sense of humor. Didn't we all?
I didn't cook. I didn't sew. I didn't do much of anything, really. I could draw, I could read, and I had friends. I could also catch horny toads. Unfortunately, in the world I grew up in, cooking and sewing were the skills that mattered. I'm not saying I didn't try. I did try 4-H. Once. I do recall frying up a passel of chicken one day and I think there was a pie thrown in there somewhere. But I'm sure it was my Mom that actually made it.
I had to learn to sew or shop out of the JC Penney Catalog. Everything in the catalog had Peter Pan collars and loads of lace with puffy sleeves and full skirts. So I sewed. I made big shirts when I was little and little shirts when I was big. I just didn't fit. In. My 4-H skirt, I kid you not, had seven gathered yards of fabric around the waistband. I looked like an Ostrich in a Sari.
So, I decided God had it in for me. I was supposed to look like a gangly little Ostrich.
Then I grew up. I left the nest. I realized that I wasn't, contrary to the confirmed opinions of some of my family members, the scum of the earth. I married well. I had wonderful children. I was a good mother. I hope. I realized that all Ostriches are created equal. Some don't cook and sew and they manage life just fine. I even saw Ostriches in plaid shirts and cut-off jeans. They looked just perfect to me. Ostriches are beautiful! God did intend for me to be an Ostrich!
What does an Ostrich learn when she is raised believing that ostriches are ugly and she will never be a beautiful Swan? And then one day, years and eons later, she realizes she just might be a beautiful Ostrich?
The first and most vital lesson is that no one has the right to label, judge or belittle another person. Especially within a family. The second lesson and almost as important is that an ostrich can learn to fly away. An Ostrich can peck and peck and peck in self-defense. But why bother? Fly away from the lack of respect for who you are. Fly away from the constant denigration. Fly away from the near constant belittling assaults on your intentions, your character, your intelligence, and your compassion. FLY. FLY. FLY.
God made Ostriches and God made Swans. He made just them just the way he wanted them. I'm glad I thought I was an Ostrich. It took me a while and a lot of loyal, loving, friendly Swans to convince myself that an Ostrich can keep mighty fine company with a Swan.
So, here's to all you beautiful Swans. Here's an Ostrich that's got your back.
BJ
When I was growing up, I hid a great deal of young angst and insecurities behind a killer sense of humor. Didn't we all?
I didn't cook. I didn't sew. I didn't do much of anything, really. I could draw, I could read, and I had friends. I could also catch horny toads. Unfortunately, in the world I grew up in, cooking and sewing were the skills that mattered. I'm not saying I didn't try. I did try 4-H. Once. I do recall frying up a passel of chicken one day and I think there was a pie thrown in there somewhere. But I'm sure it was my Mom that actually made it.
I had to learn to sew or shop out of the JC Penney Catalog. Everything in the catalog had Peter Pan collars and loads of lace with puffy sleeves and full skirts. So I sewed. I made big shirts when I was little and little shirts when I was big. I just didn't fit. In. My 4-H skirt, I kid you not, had seven gathered yards of fabric around the waistband. I looked like an Ostrich in a Sari.
So, I decided God had it in for me. I was supposed to look like a gangly little Ostrich.
Then I grew up. I left the nest. I realized that I wasn't, contrary to the confirmed opinions of some of my family members, the scum of the earth. I married well. I had wonderful children. I was a good mother. I hope. I realized that all Ostriches are created equal. Some don't cook and sew and they manage life just fine. I even saw Ostriches in plaid shirts and cut-off jeans. They looked just perfect to me. Ostriches are beautiful! God did intend for me to be an Ostrich!
What does an Ostrich learn when she is raised believing that ostriches are ugly and she will never be a beautiful Swan? And then one day, years and eons later, she realizes she just might be a beautiful Ostrich?
The first and most vital lesson is that no one has the right to label, judge or belittle another person. Especially within a family. The second lesson and almost as important is that an ostrich can learn to fly away. An Ostrich can peck and peck and peck in self-defense. But why bother? Fly away from the lack of respect for who you are. Fly away from the constant denigration. Fly away from the near constant belittling assaults on your intentions, your character, your intelligence, and your compassion. FLY. FLY. FLY.
God made Ostriches and God made Swans. He made just them just the way he wanted them. I'm glad I thought I was an Ostrich. It took me a while and a lot of loyal, loving, friendly Swans to convince myself that an Ostrich can keep mighty fine company with a Swan.
So, here's to all you beautiful Swans. Here's an Ostrich that's got your back.
BJ
The major flaw with the ugly duckling story is that the "duckling" ended up fitting in with a predetermined standard of beauty. He fit in with the swans because he looked like them. I prefer your idea, that "an Ostrich can keep mighty fine company with a Swan". We don't have to measure up to someone else's ideal (or even our own ideal), we just need to be confident in ourselves.
ReplyDeleteBecky - I always thought the story of the ugly duckling was a little flawed, too. Most of us don't grow up to become beautiful swans. And isn't that okay? Thanks for your comment. I'm glad you found your way over to this seemingly anonymous blog.
DeleteIt took me a long time to realize that I was okay myself. I think it has a lot to do with so many different things, society as a whole, families, friends, teachers. You name it sometimes we do more harm than good. I tried very hard to make certain that our children know how wonderful they are to me just the way they are. Betty you make so much sense when you get on your hobby horse, please don't ever get off of it. Much love to you my friend.
ReplyDeleteYou figured out how to comment on the blog! I'm looking forward to your insights. Thanks for your kind words, Vickie.
DeleteIt's such a common story, the person who feels bad because they aren't identical to their parents, siblings, extended family, friends, teachers, etc. In fact it's so common you'd think someone would've changed the storyline by now! By extermal standards I was a Swan, but I thought my mother hated me. That was so "BIG" that all the rest of the opinions paled in comparison. I would've had to have certification of acceptance from the president, the mayor, my school prinicpal, my minister, and ever other authority figure, and that MIGHT have counterbalanced my mother's opinion a bit. But at least she was the only one - just the most important one. As for the cooking and cleaning bit, I can identity with you there too!! I'm so glad you found out the truth finally, Betty. Getting to know you late in our lives, I'm shocked that there was ever a time when you felt unloved and unliked and out of place, because I can't imagine that you feel that way now. You are a peach!!
ReplyDeleteBethany - You have no idea how much your support has meant to me - and we haven't even met. Thank you for sharing part of your life with me that was obviously hurtful. You're SAFE with me!
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