Everyone draws a line in the sand sooner or later. We may not realize we have drawn one, but Karma kicks in sooner or later. We either set that sandy line in stone or we erase it. Our choice. Our consequences.
For me, that moment came knocking yesterday. The topic of open marriage, not a favorite one among my friends and family, was forced upon me without warning. I rapidly became involved in a hotly contested online argument. To use the word 'debate' would lend the conversation a respectability it does not deserve. I'm no stranger to controversy, but the ferocity of this exchange surprised even me. Among other even less complimentary adjectives, I was called an 'ass'. Duly noted.
I have spent the better part of the last ten years advocating for Marriage Equality, a position that has cost me the esteem of many of my personal friends and family. Time and again, I have stood alone in the face of considerable religious, social, and family pressure. I believe and I will always believe that marriage is a civil right that ought to be extended to all couples, regardless of orientation. Marriage is a sacred sacrament. It is a legally binding document. It is real. It embodies not only many privileges, but also many responsibilities and promises.
I feel betrayed. Yesterday, as I listened to a few shrill voices bat marriage around as if it was so much dirty laundry, I began to look at my hard fought advocacy as a king-sized waste of time. What on earth was I fighting for? Personally, I have enjoyed the myriad benefits of marriage and family for a very long time. I have no 'skin in the game' and I could have lived a much calmer, more serene life without even bothering to care about the rights of a sizable minority.
Open Marriage is a flimsy excuse used by some who have become disenchanted with the hard work and sacrifice of living in monogamy. Hard to hear? I'll bet.
Open Marriage is demanding the right to be unfaithful to someone that has been promised the very best part of yourself - and then demanding a merit badge for it. Hard to hear? I'll bet.
Open Marriage, while some may believe that the arrangement is only the business of the couple involved, affects children, parents, in-laws, neighbors, friends, employers, . . . . . . . but this is the crux of the matter, isn't it? It's actually NOT all about you. Which is kind of the problem. Open Marriage is about willful selfishness. It's a pathetic attempt to have your cake and eat it, too. Hard to hear? I'll bet.
Open Marriage. What to do, what to do? What if your 'playmate' decides that he or she has actually done a dumb thing and fallen in love with you? Friends, what we have here is the plot for a very scary movie. Oh. Wait. That's been done. It was called 'Basic Instinct'. Remember the pet rabbit? Or what if either spouse contracts a serious STD, because, darn it, the people participating in Open Marriages have probably been with a few sexual partners. How will the spouse feel when he or she is given a healthy dose of genital warts? Will the bloom be off the rose, then? Hard to hear? I'll bet.
Open Marriage. Oh, yes. Those pesky children. How do we explain multiple sexual partners to them? Telling them it's none of their business just isn't going to go down very well. But it really is all about you, isn't it? Your desires. Your marital 'arrangement', your fantasies, your unfulfilled libido. Hard to hear? I'll bet.
Open Marriage: Elevating rationalization to an art form. Hard to hear? I'll bet.
Yesterday was hard for me to hear, too. But it galvanized me in a way that I needed to be. I listened as several people engaged in such tortuous rationalizations for their behavior that I actually felt embarrassed for them. I want them to know that I did NOT advocate for Marriage Equality just so I could watch a vocal minority degrade what I hold sacred and what I did my best to extend to my gay friends and neighbors.
I was not in this fight for you, my Open Marriage friends. I will never be in a fight to protect your 'rights'.
Count me out. You'll have to figure it out on your own. You can bet on it.
BJ
For me, that moment came knocking yesterday. The topic of open marriage, not a favorite one among my friends and family, was forced upon me without warning. I rapidly became involved in a hotly contested online argument. To use the word 'debate' would lend the conversation a respectability it does not deserve. I'm no stranger to controversy, but the ferocity of this exchange surprised even me. Among other even less complimentary adjectives, I was called an 'ass'. Duly noted.
I have spent the better part of the last ten years advocating for Marriage Equality, a position that has cost me the esteem of many of my personal friends and family. Time and again, I have stood alone in the face of considerable religious, social, and family pressure. I believe and I will always believe that marriage is a civil right that ought to be extended to all couples, regardless of orientation. Marriage is a sacred sacrament. It is a legally binding document. It is real. It embodies not only many privileges, but also many responsibilities and promises.
I feel betrayed. Yesterday, as I listened to a few shrill voices bat marriage around as if it was so much dirty laundry, I began to look at my hard fought advocacy as a king-sized waste of time. What on earth was I fighting for? Personally, I have enjoyed the myriad benefits of marriage and family for a very long time. I have no 'skin in the game' and I could have lived a much calmer, more serene life without even bothering to care about the rights of a sizable minority.
Open Marriage is a flimsy excuse used by some who have become disenchanted with the hard work and sacrifice of living in monogamy. Hard to hear? I'll bet.
Open Marriage is demanding the right to be unfaithful to someone that has been promised the very best part of yourself - and then demanding a merit badge for it. Hard to hear? I'll bet.
Open Marriage, while some may believe that the arrangement is only the business of the couple involved, affects children, parents, in-laws, neighbors, friends, employers, . . . . . . . but this is the crux of the matter, isn't it? It's actually NOT all about you. Which is kind of the problem. Open Marriage is about willful selfishness. It's a pathetic attempt to have your cake and eat it, too. Hard to hear? I'll bet.
Open Marriage. What to do, what to do? What if your 'playmate' decides that he or she has actually done a dumb thing and fallen in love with you? Friends, what we have here is the plot for a very scary movie. Oh. Wait. That's been done. It was called 'Basic Instinct'. Remember the pet rabbit? Or what if either spouse contracts a serious STD, because, darn it, the people participating in Open Marriages have probably been with a few sexual partners. How will the spouse feel when he or she is given a healthy dose of genital warts? Will the bloom be off the rose, then? Hard to hear? I'll bet.
Open Marriage. Oh, yes. Those pesky children. How do we explain multiple sexual partners to them? Telling them it's none of their business just isn't going to go down very well. But it really is all about you, isn't it? Your desires. Your marital 'arrangement', your fantasies, your unfulfilled libido. Hard to hear? I'll bet.
Open Marriage: Elevating rationalization to an art form. Hard to hear? I'll bet.
Yesterday was hard for me to hear, too. But it galvanized me in a way that I needed to be. I listened as several people engaged in such tortuous rationalizations for their behavior that I actually felt embarrassed for them. I want them to know that I did NOT advocate for Marriage Equality just so I could watch a vocal minority degrade what I hold sacred and what I did my best to extend to my gay friends and neighbors.
I was not in this fight for you, my Open Marriage friends. I will never be in a fight to protect your 'rights'.
Count me out. You'll have to figure it out on your own. You can bet on it.
BJ
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